Spiritual Direction through Skype
By SDI member, Ulysses Castillo

David and I met last summer at a Buddhist retreat in Estes Park, Colorado, USA. Both of us Christians, we connected during a Buddhist Christian Dialog group that got together for support during the retreat. Afterwards, I thought I’d never see David again.

Several months later, David sought me out via Facebook (an online social network) and asked if I would be his spiritual director. He noted that he was having trouble finding a spiritual director who could appreciate both his Christian and Buddhist spiritual journey. I was thrilled at the opportunity. We e-mailed back and forth a few times, to determine if his expectations and needs and what I had to offer were a good fit, and decided that we were compatibly matched. There was just one problem: David lives in Chicago, and I live in Kansas.

We considered several options, like e-mail and telephone, but e-mail doesn’t allow you to hear emotions, and telephone doesn’t allow you to watch body language. Ultimately we settled on Skype. Skype is a free video-conferencing service that allows you and your friends to have a conversation over the Internet with a computer and a videocam.

I was concerned about the distance at first, and so was David. Both of us knew that we needed to be able to feel a connection, to see each other’s body language, to notice each other’s spirit, and we weren’t sure if videoconferencing would allow that. We were worried, but decided to give it a try. I’m so glad we did!

From a technology perspective, I am lucky enough to have a portable laptop. But the speakers on that system are very poor, so I purchased some inexpensive Logitech external speakers designed for laptops ($20). The sound was immensely improved. I also purchased a Microsoft LifeCam VX-5000 ($40), a good quality, light-weight video cam with a built-in microphone that works well in low light and sits easily on top of my laptop screen. Installing and configuring Skype (www.skype.com) onto my laptop was a breeze. Prior to my session with David, I made sure that my set up was working properly. I didn’t want any last-minute technical failures.

I set up in the same space that I normally do spiritual direction. I sat in my normal seat, with my back to the fire place and positioned my laptop on a small end-table that is normally right next to my directee’s chair. I made all the preparations I normally make: prayer beforehand, lighting a candle, and so forth. Even though David couldn’t smell the candle, I could, and smell is always a subtle reminder of the sacred space that I am entering.

David and I had a wonderful first session. After the initial “jitters” that everyone has at a first session, we settled in quickly. Afterwards, we discussed how God was present to us in the session.  We both had the feeling that the Spirit was bridging the gap between us, surrounding us with perceptible energy.

In later sessions, I’ve sometimes sensed the Spirit behind David, sort of hovering above his head. It makes me smile every time.

Far from the Spirit being absent to us because of the technology, it has made us even more aware of God’s presence, and of our need for that presence to be with us, to make the connections, and we are able to place our trust into God’s capable handiwork.

In the months since, we have continued to meet regularly via Skype, and I’ve had the chance to fine-tune our experience.

Here are some tips I’ve learned:

• Get your technology squared-away beforehand. One time, my Internet connection decided to not work on the laptop, and I had to move everything to my messy office with just minutes to spare before our session was to begin. I felt rushed and harassed. The lesson: make sure everything is working well ahead of the session.
• Allow extra time between sentences. There is sometimes just the very slightest split-second delay in the audio. Allowing a little extra time after your spiritual directee has spoken will make sure that you don’t accidently “step over” his or her words.
• Watch your lighting. Normally we like our spaces to be somewhat dim, but video cams need a good amount of light to be able to see each other well, so plan on having some extra light. And watch out for backlighting (a lamp or bright window positioned directly behind you for example), as that will cause you to be nothing but a silhouette to your spiritual directee.  
• Turn your screensaver off. There’s nothing more disruptive than having your screensaver kick in while you’re listening and watching your spiritual directee speak. And when you get back, your cam may temporarily freeze the video. Remember to turn it back on after your session.
• Give audible cues during silence. Often during silences, there is that almost perceptible intuition that the time for silence is over. That is often still present in our sessions, but we make sure that we give each other an audible cue, like saying, “Amen,” to let the other know for sure that we’re ready to continue.

I would love to do spiritual direction with David in person. Skype will always remain second best for me. But advancements in technology have opened a whole new world for my spiritual direction ministry. Far from being an impediment to deep connection, it’s been my experience that Skype has given me an even deeper awareness of God’s presence during my sessions, and I gratefully yield even more into God’s hands.

About
Ulysses Castillo, OblSB, is a member of Spiritual Directors International, a lay member of the United Methodist Church, and an Oblate of the Order of Saint Benedict, affiliated with Mount Saint Scholastica, Atchison, KS. He received his spiritual director training from Souljourners Ecumenical Program for Spiritual Directors and is a retreat leader with interests in Benedictine spirituality, Sabbath rest, and Christian Buddhist dialog.

Become Astonished!

The cover article from Listen: A Seekers Resource for Spiritual Direction 4.4, October 2010 invites readers to consider the contemplative practice of becoming astonished, and to share personal stories and experiences.

Pegge Bernecker, editor and spiritual director writes:

"Several months ago, cosmologist Brian Swimme spoke two words, garnishing my complete attention: “Become astonished!” His directive guides my daily interactions with people, my work, and my own inner aliveness. Five syllables in two simple words accompany me during difficult, vulnerable times, as a mantra to see with new eyes, and to love with an increasingly broad, courageous heart."

Additionally, Bernecker asks, "Why would it be valuable to cultivate the contemplative practice of astonishment? My intuition and experience inform me that our willingness to become astonished by someone or something develops compassion, integrity, kindness, creative action, forgiveness, and a heightened ability to be fully human, fully alive. I learn—maybe you do too—that when we become astonished, we:

• Let go of preconceived ideas and patterns of thinking
• Allow the present moment to interrupt the past and future
• Engage our senses
• Nurture alertness
• Trust unknown possibility, mystery
• Grow laughter and delight
• Engage
• Discover unimaginable reality
• Risk forgiveness, transformation
• Dare to be brave
• Become healers and healed, joyful
• Inspire gratefulness

Will you please seek to become astonished, at least once, every day? I urge you to be willing to be surprised. If you say yes, I imagine your life and inner aliveness will become more peaceful, transparent, and vital. You will grow in service and compassion. Envision the daily stories you can share with family, friends, and spiritual companions! Do it—look around, glance within—become astonished."

Click to read the Become Astonished in its entirety.
Click to subscribe to Listen: A Seeker's Resource for Spiritual Direction, published by Spiritual Directors International.

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Recently there was an article published by an author who " defined spirtuality for everyone." An unusual claim to me as I have discovered on my decades of journeying, and mentoring, that spirituality is an intense personal relationship between a source of infnite power and an individual. A source of comfort and joy, and one that can be shared, but is, within me as a great gift. I am blessed to know many others who have this same inner light - and we all may have a different "name" that we refer to as the source of this " light " but it is within each of us not a generalized "religion." Yes, we all share our bibles and histories and chants and songs--but as each of come to an altar, we bring just what we have. Ourselves. We come together to pray, to offer what we can, it is all so simple. Spirituality for everyone is offered but not as a blanket program, but one that lifts the individual to the deepest and highest of all that Creatior has to offer.This takes a courageous step for each individual, not a weeping movement for total commitment.Yes, we all support each other, but each of us has to have a personal commitment. To want to BE.

I used to think that spiritual directors were for clergy and students at seminary school. Over the past few years, however, I've learned that spiritual direction is a time honored tradition for anyone who wants to grow spiritually. As with coaches, it is important pick one whose strengths match your needs. (Not only is a hockey coach of little use to a golf player, but even a life coach or business coach needs proficiency in your areas of concern. Likewise, different Spiritual Directors will be of more or less help throughout your journey...) And, as they say, when the student is ready, the teacher will come.

I first enlisted the aid of a spiritual director when I was planning on going to Germany. While there were many things I was giving up (including my faith community and especially EfM (Education for Ministry)), I was looking forward to the opportunity to study Reformation history and visit cathedrals in Europe. I wanted someone to keep me accountable to my goals and help me to process where my journey led. I didn't get to move to Germany last year, but my life has moved through many challenges and (on days when I can set aside my impatience) I am generally amazed by how much I've learned and grown during this time. Through most of the past year, I met with my spiritual director (almost monthly) and we explored the new places my spiritual journey was taking me. (Fortunate for me, she has also provided sage professional coaching during these long months where my career sits poised on the edge of so much opportunity and challenge...) Perhaps my most significant epiphany in 2009 was the realization that my life is truly integrated and different parts are interconnected in ways I hadn't seen previously.

I no longer view my life as secular versus spiritual and the old "us vs them" philosophy (which I find to be a common worldview in our culture) is antithematic to who I am now. I can finally see where the gifts God has given me are brought into their fullness when used wisely throughout all aspects of my life - day or night...Sunday or any day...at church, home, work or in the world at large - and that I am happiest when I share my time and talent among many varied interests. EfM played a pivotal role in my development and I carry the tools I've learned there with me into other areas of my life. The "exercise" of Theological Reflection (TR) is an excellent example. I've never been one to make rash decisions. That's not to say that my decisions don't seem rash at times, but that's because I'm a very analytical person and I've usually given a great deal of thought to a problem or scenario I've already seen coming, when others involved are usually unaware and caught off-guard. But spiritual direction (and the reading, self-exploration, retreats and prayer practices which go hand-in-hand with SD) have given me a new way to "analyze" and "reflect" on my life.

When my spiritual director asked a few months ago what I get out of spiritual direction, I offered that these sessions were like "Weigh Stations" in my journey... Like any long haul trucker, you need to stop and refuel, but it would be dangerous to just "gas and go." (I'll keep this metaphor focused on the mechanics of the vehicle for I am still a "drive thru" omnivore and my spiritual growth hasn't quite worked through that problem...yet.) It's important to check under the hood and walk around the vehicle, verifying that everything is in working order and prepared for the "little bumps along the highway." If your tires are low on air or almost treadbare, a little pothole along the road could make for a major calamity. Or you may start your journey with a clean windshield, but a few bugs or bird droppings can totally obscure your vision if your reservior isn't filled and ready to clear up the situation. Likewise, having these periodic opportunities to examine the workings of our spiritual life help us to know that we are prepared for the little bumps which might come are way or (when we're not) help us to get prepared in case they occur. Of course, there are some things for which we cannot truly prepare. But routine maintenance of our spiritual toolbox will help us to trust that we are in good hands - both metaphorically and practically speaking, through our faith community. It's been a few months since I've met with my spiritual director (We've both been very busy with life and the holidays...), but routine maintenance keeps things humming along nicely. In many ways, the experience of sharing with a SD has made it easier to share with others. And, as a life long learner and seeker, I am always stretching myself with new challenges and opportunities.

--Heather Hall
Submitted to Stories via the SDI BLOG

On Saturday, January 30, 2010, the Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation in Bethesda, Maryland, held a contemplative leadership day. There were 20-25 of us in attendance on what turned out to be a very snowy Saturday on the next-to-last day in January.

Among our discussions on the qualities of contemplative leadership, I was given insight that the goal of the spiritual life is to someday let go of spiritual practices and disciplines we use to ground ourselves on the journey, and to have prayer become as our breath--part of our very being, infused into our total awareness. In the afternoon, our discussion shifted to the counter-cultural nature of contemplative leadership, and we partnered with another person to flesh out the resistance felt when we become too focused on our agendas against the counter-culture or when we allow ourselves to be grounded in our contemplative practice despite the resistance. Physically, there was much strain felt in the muscles as we focused our agendas symbolically with our arms outstretched against the resistance of our partner's hands pushing downward on our limbs. However, when we later grounded our focus into our feet and relaxed our upper resistance, though there was still resistance, it did not have the same strain on the muscles. And what about our peripheral vision, we were asked. Well, when doggedly focused on our agendas in the expression of our outstretched arms, our peripheral visions were cut off. We were not aware of those around us and how they may be affected by our focus. However, when grounding ourselves in our feet, our vision opened, as the muscles in our arms became full and more relaxed.

What does this mean when we are working with others on a project where there is resistance from within the team, or when we are going through the motions of loving acceptance and peace with others, although deep inside, we do not like members of our team or just one other with whom we have to work? Well, I've been there, and I believe the effort to show a stance of acceptance and love, even when at odds with the facts of our inner state, is indeed a spiritual practice, just as much as any discipline of prayer. Though our head does not connect immediately to our heart, our intent is to live the practice until we can let go and join the two without effort. Meanwhile, in the practice, we ground ourselves in Trust that a Infinite Mystery knows us deeply and cares for our well being. That is the shift that changes the resistance in practicing contemplative leadership. When our focus is doggedly set on just pretending to love against the resistance of our inner truth, we are worn down and discouraged. However, when we ground ourselves in Trust, the resistance is shifted. Our focus is now on practicing our deepest values in the hope of someday joining head and heart, and we are grounded in our Sacred Trust of the outcome brought forth by a loving and faithful Presence beyond ourselves.

"We are leaders at the point of our gifts, and we are followers at the point of others' gifts." ~Ann Dean, Shalem Institute for Spiritual Formation
"Power without love leads to oppression. Love without power lead to sentimentality." ~Richard Rohr
"We are torn loose from earthly attachments and ambitions (contemptus mundi). And we are quickened to a Divine but painful concern for the world -- amor mundi. [God] plucks the world out of our hearts, loosening the chains of attachment. And [God] hurls the world into our hearts, where we and [God] together carry it in infinitely tender love. ~Thomas Kelly
"Something opens our wings. Something makes boredom and hurt disappear. Someone fills the cup in front of us: We taste only sacredness." ~Rumi

SDI member, Therese Taylor-Stinson 

I found out about spiritual direction from a Pastor of a church I'd visit. This was my first time I'd ever experienced anything like this. The prayer time was so peaceful, and I felt I actually got connected to the Spirit of the Living God. Then when I started journaling I could actually see the Holy Spirit moving (directing) me closer to God. I could actually feel the Presence of God in a new more powerful way that I hadn't experienced in a long time almost as if I was becoming one with God as everything else began to fade away becoming less of importance.
It was such a great experience I would encourage everyone to try it at least once in their lifetime. It was a great privledge and I am so grateful to that Pastor for taking her time.

One of the presents I received for my sixth birthday was Now We Are Six by A. A. Milne, a collection of poems. The poems were funny and several contained words that were unfamiliar. For example, "Sneezles" describes a physician's efforts to diagnose Christopher Robin's illness. The doctor wonders if Christopher Robin has sneezles or wheezles or reazles or even phtheezles. I remember laughing when I read "Sneezles" and I usually read the poem over and over again. However, my very favorite poem in the book was "Solitude." As a six year old with a very verbal two year old brother, I realized that my true inner self craved solitude "a place where I could go, where there is no one, but me." The need for silence and solitude continued as I grew and when I was an adult, I finally was able to create a designated place where I could have time alone--my desk. I inherited the desk from my younger daughter when she went to college. Since the desk is not an "elegant piece of furniture" I have decorated in ways to make it completely my own--I have taped scripture, a tiny picture my younger daughter drew, an e-mail from my older daughter, and a challenge from one of my pastor husband's sermons. There are paint marks from numerous projects--a small container for pens and pencils, rocks, paint brushes, prayer beads and my always open Bible. Everything that I do at my desk connects me to God--prayer, drawing, painting a picture, writing a story, quilting or embroidery. I also have an elevated view of the woods behind my house since my desk is on the second floor. I watch the trees blossom anew each spring and change color in the fall--the rhythm of the seasons and the 24 hour cycle of a day are natural rituals that provide daily nourishment. I cherish my special place which began in my heart decades ago and remains a "spot where I can go where there is no one else but me ... and God."